Team to Saints' Fans: Don't become Louisiassholes
Written by Marty Graw Monday, 05 April 2010
New Orleans Saints' officials pleaded with its fan base to "not be like this guy," who had moments before tattooed the Saints logo on his balls.
After defeating the Indianapolis Colts 31-17 in Super Bowl XLIV, the New Orleans Saints and their energized fan base took to the streets of their beleaguered city for some well-deserved celebrations.
But after the team's victory parade, when they showed off their new trophy to their adoring fans, team ownership and management had some cautious words for their fans.
New Orleans Saints' officials pleaded with its fan base to "not be like this guy," who had moments before tattooed the Saints logo on his balls.
"Please, please don't become so obnoxious with our success that the rest of the country learns to hate us," warned team owner Tom Benson. "You may not remember this, but it wasn't that long ago that the country was really happy for the out-of-nowhere Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. We were all relieved when the Red Sox ended the Curse of the Bambino and won the World Series.
"But their fans reacted to success to poorly, they're all know as Massholes now," he noted. "Don't let that happen to us. Don't become Louisiassholes."
Head coach Sean Payton then assured the crowd that star quarterback Drew Brees was prohibited from appearing in more than one commercial at a time, and under no circumstances would they involve any type of cookie or Donald Trump. He also insisted that supermodels be forbidden from training camp, and Terrell Owens would be given a restraining order from even mentioning playing for the Saints.
"So just use some restraint out there," added Payton. "If two knuckleheads are arguing whether Brady or Manning is the best quarterback, don't scream 'Brees would kick both of their asses' or 'who won the Super Bowl, bitch?!' Drew knows he won. You know he's good. So just say 'Both Brady and Manning are excellent. Good luck next year.'"
"Remember," added New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, "the country felt sorry for us and was happy we won. But as crazy as this sounds, they think we're even now for Hurricane Katrina. They figure one big football game evens out the karma of all the death and destruction and misery of that disaster.
"We act like Colts or Cowboys or Pats fans, and they'll hate us too. It's just how it is," he concluded.
Naturally, 95 percent of the fans in attendance immediately proceeded to yell obscenities at the mere mention of the other sports teams, as a chant of "Saints Rule! Manning Sucks!" erupted across the city.