Written by Opus Deidreamer Wednesday, 27 March 2013
Newly elected Pope Francis signaled a possible opening of Catholic doctrine by admitting he has seen "The Da Vinci Code," starring Tom Hanks, and thought it was "pretty good." He quickly countered that the book, written by Dan Brown, "was a little more complex."
"Don't get me wrong," added Pope Francis. "I will maintain the longstanding official church stance that Jesus was never married to Mary Magdalene nor had any children with her, but I don't think we need to demonize creators of art for having unusual theories. I don't think we should wage war against what some might consider blasphemy. One of the other teams out there does a lot of that, and I don't think it's good for PR."
Pope Francis went on to say that the acting in "The Da Vinci Code" was "first rate," and the plot arc was "riveting at times."
"And although I felt the treatment of albino monks was somewhat derogatory, they're a much smaller demographic than those who watch movies, so I don't want to make a big fuss about it," he added. "The albino monks know I support them, whether they self-flagellate or not. Rock on my pigment-challenged brothers."Add a comment
Written by Kim Kardashi-un Monday, 11 March 2013
Frustrated by repeated outbursts that were considered "showing off" and "disrespectful," the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, canceled his weekly playdate with a neighbor boy, Ri Yong-ho, who lives just south of Kim Jong-un's massive Ryongsong Residence palace complex in Pyongyang.
The Yong-ho family has provided playdates with leaders of North Korea since 1953, but it has been widely reported that the Supreme Leader, estimated to be 30 years old, now won't play Cowboys and Indians or Kick the Can with 12-year-old Yong-ho anymore. To add further insult to the trashed friendship, Kim Jong-un won't even answer the tin-can phone attached to a string that the young men had used for years to communicate the latest potential game of Connect Four or guess at which of the neighboring girls have "cooties" or not.
"I'm not speaking with him no more," said Jong-un from his throne of platinum and ivory tusks shaped to his likeness. "He was acting all like a big-shot and stuff, telling me how he beat me at jacks, when he knows full well the Supreme Leaders never lose at anything, especially Jacks, which I'm awesome at...Add a comment
Written by Chillie Palmer Monday, 28 January 2013
Sparked by a rumor heard on the elementary school playgrounds, eight-year-old snowball-rights activist Pepper Neighbors has spent most of her free time between ballet classes and freeze tag amassing a huge arsenal of snowballs in her "Snowmageddon Bunker."
"I heard from Tommy that Obama did some president stuff and was now coming to take away my snowballs," noted Neighbors. "And Tommy is in fourth grade, so he knows about these things. But I love my snowballs, and I'll never let Obama take away my secondary manendment right to have a huge pile of them and throw them at stuff."
After witnessing Ms. Neighbors compiling hundreds of snowballs in her five-foot-tall snow fort, a neighbor and snowball-control proponent Marty Pooper reported the activity to her parents.
"Why does anyone need to have that many snowballs?" asked Pooper, after returning from a neighborhood party that he apparently wasn't invited to. "Isn't, say, 10 snowballs enough to keep the stray dogs away or have a snowball fight with your friends? I really think her parents are...Add a comment
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