Written by Duke Caucus Friday, 04 April 2008
Billary Clinton, a junior who hopes to be elected as Steamboat Springs High School student-body president in 2008, claimed that she is the best candidate for the position because she "was the only one ready for ski season on day one."
"I had my ski boots on. I had my protective helmet on. I was even wearing long underwear, although that day wasn't very cold, just in case the weather changed," she noted. "I was out there, waiting for the gondola, while my fellow candidates were sitting at home, playing video games. They weren't ready on day one, but I was, so you should vote for me."
Several students who are running against Clinton noted, however, that the ski season was delayed last year, so that she was just standing in line by herself, like a big idiot.Add a comment
Written by Allhat Nobrains Friday, 04 April 2008
At a recent press conference, President George W. Bush became angry with reporters when one of them proposed that the dynamics of his presidency had changed in its final year.
"Now, I resent that," Bush began. "I've heard several in the media lately saying that I've become a 'lame fu%k president.' I have to say that I strongly disagree with such words.
"Let's not forget, people, that I used to be quite the partier," he continued. "I was drinkin' all the time, snortin' coke offa cheerleaders' tits, runnin' away from the cops ... Does that sound like things some lame fu&k would do?"
Bush also noted that it's much more difficult these days to create an impression of coolness, being president and all, but that he still tries to "keep it real."Add a comment
Written by Wendy Willhistermbeover Wednesday, 04 April 2007
In response to increased tensions and provocations between U.S. National Forest Service Rangers and Rainbow Gathering members, President George W. Bush has announced a new "surge" policy that will temporarily increase the numbers of Forest Service men and women in North Routt County.
"My fellow citizens, I know this is an unpopular conflict," said Bush. "But we have to stand firm in our resolve or ... or ... or them hippies are gonna win. And I'm not a loser. You hear me? I am NOT a loser. I win wars. I win elections. I'm a WINNER. My brother's the loser, not me, daddy!!! Quit calling me a loser!!!!!"
After a brief moment of awkward silence, Bush continued. "Whew. Guess I 'lost it' a little, huh? Anyway, the people of Routt County can be assured that I'm going to do everything I can to win this battle against these insurgents. You see, it's a...Add a comment
- Father of Anna Nicole Smith's Baby Determined
- Many Men Like Breasts, Study Reveals
- John Edwards Is A Knee-Dippin' Tree Fairy
- Reality TV Linked to Increased Stupidity
- Crazy River Dog Champ Tests Positive for High Testosterone, Blames Snausages
- Mel Gibson Officially Named Craziest Actor Alive; Heston, Cruise Rage at Snub
Page 21 of 23«StartPrev212223NextEnd»