Republicans Unveil New Benghazi Attack Line: Call It Ben-Gay-Zee

Written by Dawn Chagetit Sunday, 19 May 2013

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After pounding away at President Barack Obama and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for months about the "scandal" concerning the Benghazi terrorist attack and finding little traction among the media, short-attention-span voters or anyone else for that matter, Republicans believe they have a new attack line that should score them points with their anti-tolerance, homophobic base that has no idea where Benghazi even is.Adding a hilarious new prop to their continued attacks against Democrats, Republicans began passing out specially created tubes of pain-relief cream they cleverly named Ben-gay-zee. Get it? Ben-GAY-zee ... Ha!Adding a hilarious new prop to their continued attacks against Democrats, Republicans began passing out specially created tubes of pain-relief cream they cleverly named Ben-gay-zee. Get it? Ben-GAY-zee ... Ha!

"It's a simple, yet awesome, way to make Democrats say things like 'shut up' while Republicans giggle and take the upper hand in the argument," noted Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner. "We simply make a possibly intentional, possibly not, mispronunciation of the word 'Benghazi.' We call it Ben-gay-zee. Get it? Because it's so gay! And we all know that calling something or someone gay is super funny, especially if it's close to the real name. I mean, who doesn't snicker every time someone asks for that muscle cream, Bengay? Hah, did you hear that? Bengay! Ben-gay-zee! Awesome!"

The strategy worked to perfection the first time it was tried out on an unsuspecting Obama. Fox News reporter Major Hackett asked the president if he's ever "Ben-gay-zee." Flustered, the president said, "excuse me?" Barely holding in his laughter, Hackett then repeated, "have you ever Ben-gay-zee?"

A confused president simply answered, "Uh ... I'm not sure," at which point every Republican congressperson and member of the conservative press busted out in laughter, each one rushing up to high-five Hackett.

"Oh yeah!" yelled Boehner from the back of the room. "A Democrat's in charge! There's a whole bunch of Ben-gay-zee going on these last four years! Hah!"

Snap polling has confirmed the effectiveness of this new line of attack. Since the new pronunciation was released, President Obama's approval ratings dipped markedly among those who "hated him since the first day he was born in Kenya" as well as 10-year-old boys. The rest of those polled couldn't believe the question was serious.


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