Young Oracle Predicts Future in Unique Way

Written by GUEST OVERSEAS CONTRIBUTOR Pat Choulie Monday, 15 August 2011

As the year 2012 approaches, many people are thinking about the Mayan calendar and the predictions of Nostradamus. Not many Americans, however, have heard of a gifted young seer, now living in northwest Germany, whose unique method of predicting the future utilizes his finger and his nose. The Pirate can't believe it's posting this cutesy story about a cutesy kid, but it did come from an dear friend currently overseas. Here's lookin' at you, Nostrildamus.

He is known as Nostrildamus, and, at the tender age of 19 months, he already has thousands of adherents. The current Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel, has sought out his advice. Nostrildamus has also been named official oracle of the Green Party.

Humble and soft-spoken, Nostrildamus performs his readings of boogers and answers questions from the comfort of his high chair. Yes/no questions are answered simply by either putting the index finger of his right hand in his right nostril for yes, and the index finger of his left hand in his left nostril for no. If he puts the index finger of his right hand in his left nostril, it means his diaper needs changing. Left index finger in the right nostril, it's a blowout.

The booger readings are varied and complex. The best time to see Nostrildamus for a booger reading is immediately after he bathes. Some of the signs he uses in his readings are booger size, color, ease of extraction and elasticity. Interpretation and communication are challenging. He is only 19 months old, after all, and his vocabulary is limited, although growing rapidly. But it is hard to tell someone's future using the words "monkey," "pocket," "banana," "hat" and "fish."

Sometimes Nostrildamus will sculpt the booger into a recognizable shape. Lindsay Lohan came to Germany just to see him, and Nostrildamus sculpted a little jail cell and rehab clinic. Dale Earnhardt Jr. also came to him for a reading and was not pleased to see the little green wrecked race car.

Other times, where he rubs the booger off his finger tells the story. He may use a picture book or a map to facilitate this process. Donald Trump came to see Nostrildamus, and the young savant spelled "TRUMP" in boogers across the tycoon's forehead.

Nostrildamus will be visiting America with his family in May 2012. Come see him, and have your future told before the end of days.