Republicans Unveil New Benghazi Attack Line: Call It Ben-Gay-Zee
Written by Dawn Chagetit Sunday, 19 May 2013
After pounding away at President Barack Obama and former
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for months about the "scandal"
concerning the Benghazi terrorist attack and finding little
traction among the media, short-attention-span voters or anyone
else for that matter, Republicans believe they have a new attack
line that should score them points with their anti-tolerance,
homophobic base that has no idea where Benghazi even is.
Adding a hilarious new prop to their continued attacks against Democrats, Republicans began passing out specially created tubes of pain-relief cream they cleverly named Ben-gay-zee. Get it? Ben-GAY-zee ... Ha!
"It's a simple, yet awesome, way to make Democrats say things like 'shut up' while Republicans giggle and take the upper hand in the argument," noted Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner. "We simply make a possibly intentional, possibly not, mispronunciation of the word 'Benghazi.' We call it Ben-gay-zee. Get it? Because it's so gay! And we all know that calling something or someone gay is super funny, especially if it's close to the real name. I mean, who doesn't snicker every time someone asks for that muscle cream, Bengay? Hah, did you hear that? Bengay! Ben-gay-zee! Awesome!"
The strategy worked to perfection the first time it was tried out on an unsuspecting Obama. Fox News reporter Major Hackett asked...
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Cinco de Mayo Declared Off Limits to White People Unless They Wear 'Kiss Me I'm Mexican' T-Shirt
Written by Juan Anothercerveza Tuesday, 07 May 2013
After witnessing yet another Cinco de Mayo celebration with
endless amounts of 100-percent Caucasian young people get
"shit-canned" drunk during this Mexican holiday of independence,
the respective leaders of Mexico and Ireland announced a bilateral
treaty declaring that any white person partaking in the annual
festivities must, at a minimum, wear an enormous sombrero or a
"Kiss Me I'm Mexican" t-shirt.
Under a new Irish/Mexican treaty, white Cinco de Mayo partygoers must demonstrate a tiny bit of cultural effort to partake in the day's binge drinking, beyond just slurring "ya ya ya, arriba, arriba!!!"
"It's just not respectful or fair to the good people of Mexico that drunken fratboys and skanky lushes use our beloved Day of Independence as an excuse to get hammered off their ass," said Enrique Peña Nieto, the current President of Mexico. "We have enough shit to deal with down here, and taking the blame for the drunken antics of white 20-somethings just isn't something we need any more. We realize we can't stop these kids from plowing through Coronas and tequila shots, but we can at least have some standards and requirements that make these gringos reflect, between vomiting sessions, on what it might be like to be Mexican and why this is an important holiday."
The unusual partnership with Ireland came about because the "Emerald...
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