Written by Dawn Chagetit Sunday, 19 May 2013
After pounding away at President Barack Obama and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for months about the "scandal" concerning the Benghazi terrorist attack and finding little traction among the media, short-attention-span voters or anyone else for that matter, Republicans believe they have a new attack line that should score them points with their anti-tolerance, homophobic base that has no idea where Benghazi even is.
"It's a simple, yet awesome, way to make Democrats say things like 'shut up' while Republicans giggle and take the upper hand in the argument," noted Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner. "We simply make a possibly intentional, possibly not, mispronunciation of the word 'Benghazi.' We call it Ben-gay-zee. Get it? Because it's so gay! And we all know that calling something or someone gay is super funny, especially if it's close to the real name. I mean, who doesn't snicker every time someone asks for that muscle cream, Bengay? Hah, did you hear that? Bengay! Ben-gay-zee! Awesome!"
The strategy worked to perfection the first time it was tried out on an unsuspecting Obama. Fox News reporter Major Hackett asked...Add a comment
Written by Juan Anothercerveza Tuesday, 07 May 2013
After witnessing yet another Cinco de Mayo celebration with endless amounts of 100-percent Caucasian young people get "shit-canned" drunk during this Mexican holiday of independence, the respective leaders of Mexico and Ireland announced a bilateral treaty declaring that any white person partaking in the annual festivities must, at a minimum, wear an enormous sombrero or a "Kiss Me I'm Mexican" t-shirt.
"It's just not respectful or fair to the good people of Mexico that drunken fratboys and skanky lushes use our beloved Day of Independence as an excuse to get hammered off their ass," said Enrique Peña Nieto, the current President of Mexico. "We have enough shit to deal with down here, and taking the blame for the drunken antics of white 20-somethings just isn't something we need any more. We realize we can't stop these kids from plowing through Coronas and tequila shots, but we can at least have some standards and requirements that make these gringos reflect, between vomiting sessions, on what it might be like to be Mexican and why this is an important holiday."
The unusual partnership with Ireland came about because the "Emerald...Add a comment
Written by The Pirate Wednesday, 01 May 2013
- Jordan Guarantees He'll Finish with More Rings than LeBron: 'I'll Get Married as Many Times as I Have To'
- Last Remaining Herd of Wild Snowmobiles Spotted near Hahn's Peak
- Progressive Church? New Pope Admits Da Vinci Code 'Pretty Good,' Prefers Book
- North Korea's Supreme Leader Cancels Playdate with Neighbor, Won't Answer Tin-Can Phone
- 'I Dare Obama to Try and Take Away My Snowballs!'
- NRA Proposes Breakable-Glass-Encased "Emergency Assault Rifles" in Every Hallway
- Congress Avoids Fiscal Cliff, Awaits Upcoming Battle over Fiscal F*ck You
- Jesus Returns to Thank Fox News for Rallying Against 'War on Christmas'
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