Secret Downtown Parking Study Will Continue to Seek Funding, Find No Answers

Written by Carson DaStreet Friday, 21 November 2014

The average Steamboat Springs motorist, who does not want to park more than 20 feet from their destination, has been growing ever more frustrated by the difficulty incurred trying to find these prime parking places. Now there is hope for finding a solution, according to Steamboat Springs Director of Transportation, Manny Mustbekidding.

n expensive parking consultant promised to reveal the findings of their study as soon as Steamboat pays them a big pile of money.n expensive parking consultant promised to reveal the findings of their study as soon as Steamboat pays them a big pile of money.

At a morning news conference at City Hall, Mustbekidding told reporters and members of the public about an "ongoing, long-term parking study that will prove, once and for all, that we actually appear to be doing something about this problem." A hush fell over the expectant gathering. "For the last 22 years, the reputable Durango-based firm Suburban Explorer has sent 387 of their most- trusted agents into Downtown Steamboat Springs every morning in vehicles ranging from Subarus to SUVs to UPS trucks, to study the availability of parking and the effect of double-parking on traffic."

Mustbekidding quieted the loudly laughing audience, then...

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Steamboat Now Offering 'First Tracks Traffic Medallions'

Written by Shirley Yurjoeking Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Due to the overwhelming popularity of lane closures on Highway 40 during the fall, and borrowing from the ski resort's popular First Tracks program, commuters with a lot of disposable income now can purchase a "First Tracks Traffic Medallion," enabling them to drive through construction zones without slowing down as well as drive in the left lane during rush hours. The city will be offering a limited number of medallions in a one-year trial.

Steamboat expects to make a lot of money from those who can afford the new First Tracks Traffic Medallions, which allow drivers to plow through construction zones and use a "First Tracks Only" lane (previously known as the "left lane") to bypass slower and poorer drivers now restricted to the right lane.Steamboat expects to make a lot of money from those who can afford the new First Tracks Traffic Medallions, which allow drivers to plow through construction zones and use a "First Tracks Only" lane (previously known as the "left lane") to bypass slower and poorer drivers now restricted to the right lane.

"Driving in the left lane, and the ability to turn left when the road is at its busiest, are now going to be a feature in Steamboat, instead of...

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Utah Launches Countersuit as Steamboat Steals, Barely Modifies Patented Slogan

Written by Alice Fairenwar Friday, 14 November 2014

The Utah Office of Tourism announced that it is suing Steamboat Ski and Resort Corp. for its new marketing campaign claiming "The Greatest Snow on Planet Earth®", declaring it confusingly similar to the state of Utah's slogan: "The Greatest Snow on Earth®".

Steamboat Spokesperson Billy Child helped unveil a new resort slogan as well as Steamboat's overall marketing strategy: "Suck it, Utah!"Steamboat Spokesperson Billy Child helped unveil a new resort slogan as well as Steamboat's overall marketing strategy: "Suck it, Utah!"

Utah has been marketing "The Greatest Snow on Earth®" slogan, a registered trademark, since 1962. And the phrase has been stamped on Utah license plates since 1985.  Regardless of such "minor trademark details," Ski Corp. Senior Vice President of Sales and Marketing Bob Oysterman said that any confusion is absurd: "Everyone knows that Planet Earth is completely different from Earth." 

Steamboat Ski Resort released the following statement: "'The Greatest Snow on Planet Earth®' campaign seeks to differentiate between the two Greatest Snow places in our solar system and promote the fact that there is a distinct...

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Local Satire???

Let's face it: Where you live is pretty ridiculous. Your local politicians are buffoons. Your local celebrities take themselves way too seriously. The general population, including yourself, is either completely crazy or almost there.

This is equally true whether you live in Hollywood, Miami or Sheboygan. It's just a matter of scale. But what can you do about it?

Satire. If you can't beat 'em, make fun of 'em, and you just might beat 'em that way ...

In its many forms, satire has proven to be a great equalizer. Jon Stewart is one of the most influential people in America. If not for Tina Fey, Sarah Palin might be Vice President of the United States. When people realize that something is ridiculous, it loses its power.

This is where The Pirate comes in. There are many great outlets that satirize the "big issues" (and we do that, too). But we've also perfected the art of Local Satire. As you can see from our successful model in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, no town is too small to be skewered.

You don't know those people or what their issues are, but the people in Steamboat do, and they think it's hilarious. And you can do the same in your area, whether a city, town, school, company or whatever. That's Local Satire, and you'll be surprised at how effective it can be.

Then you can sell your own local advertising and make a little money on the side.

So if you want to start your own Local Pirate Web page and newsletter, click HERE and start your voyage.

It's FREE, and templates are set up so all you have to do is write funny articles (but if you need help creating witty graphics, we can do that, too, for a small fee).

Each of your Local subscribers will also receive a FREE Global Pirate newsletter along with your own. We take care of the newsletters, too, and you can send it as often (or not) as you'd like.

And if you'd just like to contribute an article or two for our "global" page, just send in what you think is funny. If we like it, we'll publish it under your name and location. Unlike other satire publications, we want to hear from you.

So, are you a Pirate?

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You can have new content from The Pirate e-mailed to you as a newsletter as soon as it's available. No need to waste time browsing the Internet!

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If you only want the "main" Pirate, select Global Pirate below.



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