Sheriff Vehicles Go Black, Won't Go Back

In a controversial move among its own office, the Steamboat Springs Sheriff's Department recently painted several of its vehicles black. Although strongly supported by Sheriff Stonedwall Jackson, several older members of the department noticeably clucked and wagged their fingers in opposition.

Several Steamboat Springs Sheriff's vehicles are sporting a bold new look.Several Steamboat Springs Sheriff's vehicles are sporting a bold new look.

"I just don't think it's appropriate for Steamboat Springs. This ain't New York," said Officer Rusty Curmudgeon, a third-generation Routt County resident nearing retirement. "I'm sure it's just an 'experimental phase' the Sheriff is going through. I bet he wanted to feel a little more dangerous, a little exotic. But what would his parents say?"

"Oh, no. It's not a phase. I'm never going back to white," countered Sheriff Jackson. "I've been attracted to black cars all my life. They just seem faster and cooler.

"But I know that all the vehicles are the same on the inside, and that's what's really important," he added. "And there's absolutely no truth to the rumor that the black vehicles are larger than the white ones. That's purely a myth."

Some officers are already noticing a difference in how the new cars are treated by local drivers.

"It's weird," noticed Officer Fred Judiced. "I think some drivers in this town, especially older drivers, are more afraid of the newly painted vehicles. I could be wrong, but it seems like when I pull up, they move to a different street. And they never make eye contact with me any more. Just weird."

Sheriff Jackson also hopes the vehicles' new paint jobs can help resolve some friction between his department and county officials, who have been very vocal in their displeasure about the department being hundreds of thousands of dollars over budget.

"I think this will be a real cost saver," said Jackson, despite the fact that each paint job cost thousands of dollars. "For one, black cars are faster, so we'll be able to do things more efficiently. And they'll stay warmer during the winter, so that should cut down on fuel costs trying to keep them things cozy. And, most importantly, dirt hardly shows up on these bad boys, so we should have to wash them a lot less. That's like $40 a week saved right there, so I think all those budget worry warts can get off my back, OK?"

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