Entertainment

Cruise Liners Long for Glory Days as Lame, Non-Experience for Old People

•Written by Carnie Val• ••Monday•, 13 •February• 2012•

Rocked by the negative press of a cruise ship that wrecked off the coast of Italy and other recent "unpleasantries," the Cruise Line Association of the Pacific (The CLAP) launched a massive PR campaign to persuade potential passengers that sailing on a cruise ship is neither dangerous nor life-altering in any way.Hoping to stem a dropoff in passenger numbers due to recent cruise ship "mishaps" (left), the industry is fighting back with a PR campaign focused on reminding potential passengers that a cruise ship vacation is just as safe and bland as they expect it to be (right).Hoping to stem a dropoff in passenger numbers due to recent cruise ship "mishaps" (left), the industry is fighting back with a PR campaign focused on reminding potential passengers that a cruise ship vacation is just as safe and bland as they expect it to be (right).

"Sailing on a beautiful, over-engineered cruise ship is just as safe and bland as a walk through a shopping mall," noted Carrie Beann, spokesperson for The CLAP. "You have a much higher chance of being killed driving to your local, corporate coffee shop. You also would have a better chance of seeing something authentic about the area you are visiting. As long as the captain isn't a drunken weasel of a man, cruise vacations are still the best way to gorge yourself on prime rib and tiramisu buffets in...

•Add a comment•

•Read more: Cruise Liners Long for Glory Days as Lame, Non-Experience for Old People•

 

ABC Introduces New Spinoff: Synchronized Diving with the Stars

•Written by Hugh Mongus Splash• ••Friday•, 04 •November• 2011•

To capitalize on the continued success of Dancing with the Stars, ABC unveiled the newest member of the franchise, Synchronized Diving with the Stars. The new show pairs celebrities with an Olympic synchronized diver, who has one week to teach the sort-of-famous person that week's diving routine.The inaugural season of Synchronized Diving with the Stars will feature reality TV darling Kirstie Alley, who attempts to land a triple-twisting pike with her Chinese diving partner, Shi Ska Ri.The inaugural season of Synchronized Diving with the Stars will feature reality TV darling Kirstie Alley, who attempts to land a triple-twisting pike with her Chinese diving partner, Shi Ska Ri.

"If there's one thing we know at ABC," said Aaron B. Cartwright, an executive programmer for ABC, "is that America loves watching shows that show D-list celebrities doing things they're too lazy to do themselves. And if you throw in some flamboyant and obnoxious judges, you've got yourself a goldmine. And that's just what we have with Synchronized Diving with the Stars!"

Cartwright noted that the first season will include such vaguely familiar faces as Keenen Ivory Wayans, the fat guy from Lost, Kirstie Alley and a yet-to-be-named football player who will win. The ensemble cast of ridiculous-sounding judges will include the Chocolate Rain YouTube-sensation guy, someone gay and Smurfette, the first animated judge in reality-television history.

"It's guaranteed to be a smash hit," added Cartwright. "Just wait until you see these stars doing backflips from the 30-meter board. You'll be so glad you never leave your couch! And Smurfette judging! Come on! How Smurferiffic is that?"

•Add a comment•

Struggling Oprah Unveils New Urban-Wizard Line of Books and Movies

•Written by Rip Hoff de Brit• ••Friday•, 14 •October• 2011•

Frustrated that Harry Potter writer J.K. Rowling has been challenging her role as the most successful and famous woman in the world (outside of Hollywood), and that her new Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) has been struggling, Oprah announced that she will be introducing her own line of urban-wizard-based fiction in early 2012.Oprah Winfrey's new book, Oprah's Gary Kotter and the Deadly Projects, details the life and trials of a young boy who must learn the art of voodoo, with the help of his two best friends, to defeat the evil Hag Rowlingmort. Any resemblance to the Harry Potter series is strictly a coincidence, notes Winfrey.Oprah Winfrey's new book, Oprah's Gary Kotter and the Deadly Projects, details the life and trials of a young boy who must learn the art of voodoo, with the help of his two best friends, to defeat the evil Hag Rowlingmort. Any resemblance to the Harry Potter series is strictly a coincidence, notes Winfrey.

"If that pompous Brit can make a fortune telling whacked-out kiddie tales, you know I can do that," noted Winfrey. "And I'll do it better, with my own Oprah flair. I'm going to start the series with 'Oprah's Gary Kotter and the Deadly Projects,' which will take place in a mystical land called ChicagWarts, and feature all kinds of enchanted characters and witchery."

Winfrey plans to write the book and movie script at the same time, ensuring that her new franchise is as hastily put together as possible. The movie, when finished, will be exclusively shown on OWN, giving her audience of 456 people some original, non-Oprah-based programming.

According to a leaked copy of the first book's draft, young Gary...

•Add a comment•

•Read more: Struggling Oprah Unveils New Urban-Wizard Line of Books and Movies•

 

Modern Medical Miracle Monday: Help For The Unhip

•Written by Dick Swett• ••Friday•, 04 •April• 2008•

In a packed conference room at the Ski Town Medical Center on a gorgeous late winter day, Director of Public Outreach and Patient Inreach Pristine McGillicutty stepped up to the podium, looking stunning, and stunned the audience with a stunning announcement. 

"S.T.M.C. has long been a leader in cutting edge surgical procedures.  Today, we are pleased to announce the successful completion of the world's first hipness replacement.  Now, for the first time, aging ski bums who have settled into a somewhat humdrum existence as teachers, lawyers and real estate brokers can restore the spark of days gone by with this simple yet complex operation.  Now, I'd like to introduce the chief surgeon on our hipness replacement team, Dr. Ken U. Diggitt.  Dr. Diggett."  "Thank you, Pristine.  At this time, we'd like to open up the floor for questions.  Yes, the gentleman with the tacky combover."

Dr. Diggitt and his surgical team work to replace the hipness of a middle-aged ski bum.Dr. Diggitt and his surgical team work to replace the hipness of a middle-aged ski bum.

Question: What can you tell us about this first hipness replacement patient?

Dr. Ken U. Diggitt: Well, the patient is male, mid-fifties, who came to town thirty years ago to ski.  He worked in restaurants and as a ski rental tech and went out to the bars 365 nights a year.  At...

•Add a comment•

•Read more: Modern Medical Miracle Monday: Help For The Unhip•

Father of Anna Nicole Smith's Baby Determined

•Written by Carmen "Baby" Lightmyfire• ••Wednesday•, 04 •April• 2007•

The mystery over who is the father of former stripper, Playboy Cover Girl, reality TV star and now dead heiress Anna Nicole Smith's five month old daughter is over.  When baby Dannielynn began cooing "ob-la-di, ob-la-da" from her crib,  all eyes turned to legendary sound man and rock burnout Rocky Balzearo, who was covering the custody hearings for Pirate News.

Rock burnout Rocky Balearo was found to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's newest child.Rock burnout Rocky Balearo was found to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's newest child.

Mr. Balzearo at first denied being the baby's father.  "Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself," he said.  Mr. Balzearo was obviously bothered by the crush of reporters who surrounded him, saying, "Please don't stand so close to me."  He hesitated to undergo DNA testing, protesting, "I'm not a number. Dammit, I'm a man."  When it was affirmed that Mr. Balzearo was sound technician for the Skinemax special, "Anna Nicole and the Seven Dwarfs," filmed in late 2005, nine months before baby Dannielynn's birth and witnesses attested to the fact that Mr. Balzearo and Miss Smith were often seen together on and off the set, Mr. Balzearo...

•Add a comment•

•Read more: Father of Anna Nicole Smith's Baby Determined•

 

•Page 2 of 3•

«•Start••Prev•123•Next••End•»

[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: Visit time in Joomla Local timezone: 2018-05-21 20:30:01        

Performed SQL enquiries

SELECT * FROM eeu_session WHERE session_id = 'k8t32arql24g41bej2k9nhrc41'

DELETE FROM eeu_session WHERE ( time < '1526928601' )

SELECT * FROM eeu_session WHERE session_id = 'k8t32arql24g41bej2k9nhrc41'

INSERT INTO `eeu_session` ( `session_id`,`time`,`username`,`gid`,`guest`,`client_id` ) VALUES ( 'k8t32arql24g41bej2k9nhrc41','1526934601','','0','1','0' )

SELECT * FROM eeu_components WHERE parent = 0

SELECT folder AS type, element AS name, params FROM eeu_plugins WHERE published >= 1 AND access <= 0 ORDER BY ordering

SELECT * FROM eeu_migration_backlinks WHERE url LIKE 'articles/entertainment.html?start=5%' OR sefurl LIKE 'articles/entertainment.html?start=5%'

SELECT m.*, c.`option` as component FROM eeu_menu AS m LEFT JOIN eeu_components AS c ON m.componentid = c.id WHERE m.published = 1 ORDER BY m.sublevel, m.parent, m.ordering

SELECT template FROM eeu_templates_menu WHERE client_id = 0 AND (menuid = 0 OR menuid = 57) ORDER BY menuid DESC LIMIT 0, 1

SELECT c.*, s.id as sectionid, s.title as sectiontitle, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(c.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", c.id, c.alias) ELSE c.id END as slug FROM eeu_categories AS c INNER JOIN eeu_sections AS s ON s.id = c.section WHERE c.id = 40 LIMIT 0, 1

SELECT cc.title AS category, a.id, a.title, a.alias, a.title_alias, a.introtext, a.fulltext, a.sectionid, a.state, a.catid, a.created, a.created_by, a.created_by_alias, a.modified, a.modified_by, a.checked_out, a.checked_out_time, a.publish_up, a.publish_down, a.attribs, a.hits, a.images, a.urls, a.ordering, a.metakey, a.metadesc, a.access, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(a.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", a.id, a.alias) ELSE a.id END as slug, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(cc.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", cc.id, cc.alias) ELSE cc.id END as catslug, CHAR_LENGTH( a.`fulltext` ) AS readmore, u.name AS author, u.usertype, g.name AS groups, u.email as author_email FROM eeu_content AS a LEFT JOIN eeu_categories AS cc ON a.catid = cc.id LEFT JOIN eeu_users AS u ON u.id = a.created_by LEFT JOIN eeu_groups AS g ON a.access = g.id WHERE 1 AND a.access <= 0 AND a.catid = 40 AND a.state = 1 AND ( publish_up = '0000-00-00 00:00:00' OR publish_up <= '2018-05-21 20:30:01' ) AND ( publish_down = '0000-00-00 00:00:00' OR publish_down >= '2018-05-21 20:30:01' ) ORDER BY a.created DESC, a.created DESC LIMIT 5, 9

SELECT cc.title AS category, a.id, a.title, a.alias, a.title_alias, a.introtext, a.fulltext, a.sectionid, a.state, a.catid, a.created, a.created_by, a.created_by_alias, a.modified, a.modified_by, a.checked_out, a.checked_out_time, a.publish_up, a.publish_down, a.attribs, a.hits, a.images, a.urls, a.ordering, a.metakey, a.metadesc, a.access, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(a.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", a.id, a.alias) ELSE a.id END as slug, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(cc.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", cc.id, cc.alias) ELSE cc.id END as catslug, CHAR_LENGTH( a.`fulltext` ) AS readmore, u.name AS author, u.usertype, g.name AS groups, u.email as author_email FROM eeu_content AS a LEFT JOIN eeu_categories AS cc ON a.catid = cc.id LEFT JOIN eeu_users AS u ON u.id = a.created_by LEFT JOIN eeu_groups AS g ON a.access = g.id WHERE 1 AND a.access <= 0 AND a.catid = 40 AND a.state = 1 AND ( publish_up = '0000-00-00 00:00:00' OR publish_up <= '2018-05-21 20:30:01' ) AND ( publish_down = '0000-00-00 00:00:00' OR publish_down >= '2018-05-21 20:30:01' ) ORDER BY a.created DESC, a.created DESC

SELECT id, title, module, position, content, showtitle, control, params FROM eeu_modules AS m LEFT JOIN eeu_modules_menu AS mm ON mm.moduleid = m.id WHERE m.published = 1 AND m.access <= 0 AND m.client_id = 0 AND ( mm.menuid = 57 OR mm.menuid = 0 ) ORDER BY position, ordering

SELECT * FROM eeu_banner WHERE showBanner = 1 AND (imptotal = 0 OR impmade < imptotal) AND cid = 2 AND catid = 58 ORDER BY sticky DESC, ordering LIMIT 0, 1

UPDATE eeu_banner SET impmade = impmade + 1 WHERE bid = 20

SELECT a.*, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(a.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", a.id, a.alias) ELSE a.id END as slug, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(cc.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", cc.id, cc.alias) ELSE cc.id END as catslug FROM eeu_content AS a LEFT JOIN eeu_content_frontpage AS f ON f.content_id = a.id INNER JOIN eeu_categories AS cc ON cc.id = a.catid INNER JOIN eeu_sections AS s ON s.id = a.sectionid WHERE ( a.state = 1 AND s.id > 0 ) AND ( a.publish_up = '0000-00-00 00:00:00' OR a.publish_up <= '2018-05-21 20:30:01' ) AND ( a.publish_down = '0000-00-00 00:00:00' OR a.publish_down >= '2018-05-21 20:30:01' ) AND a.access <= 0 AND cc.access <= 0 AND s.access <= 0 AND s.published = 1 AND cc.published = 1 ORDER BY a.hits DESC LIMIT 0, 8

SELECT width,height FROM eeu_flashrotators WHERE id = '15'

SELECT width,height FROM eeu_flashrotators WHERE id = '15'

SELECT width,height FROM eeu_flashrotators WHERE id = '10'

SELECT width,height FROM eeu_flashrotators WHERE id = '10'

SELECT * FROM `eeu_jnews_xonfig`

SELECT * FROM `eeu_jnews_lists` WHERE `published` = 1


[0.0006s] DEBUG info j4age: JS Perform Visitor counting process (function: countVisitor()): 0.000 seconds, 19.37 MB        

Performed SQL enquiries

SELECT * FROM eeu_jstats_configuration


[0.0001s] DEBUG info j4age: JS loadKnownRecords start: 0.000 seconds, 19.37 MB        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: Trace Code from cookie:         

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: Client-ID from cookie:         

Performed SQL enquiries


[3.3540s] DEBUG info j4age: JS loadKnownRecords end: 3.354 seconds, 19.37 MB        

Performed SQL enquiries

SELECT * FROM eeu_jstats_ipaddresses AS a WHERE a.ip = '918976282'

SELECT c.* FROM eeu_jstats_clients AS c LEFT OUTER JOIN eeu_jstats_visits AS v ON c.client_id = v.client_id WHERE v.ip = '918976282' AND (c.visitor_id = 0 OR c.visitor_id IS NULL);


[0.0001s] DEBUG info j4age: JS client & ip handling start: 3.354 seconds, 19.37 MB        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: IP already stored 918976282        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: Fire Event => beforecounting        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0003s] DEBUG info j4age: 1 Plugins found in DB        

Performed SQL enquiries

select * from `eeu_jstats_configuration` where description like 'ext_%' and value = '1'


[0.0023s] DEBUG info j4age: Register plugin ext_ip2nation for event onpostinstallation        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: Register plugin ext_ip2nation for event resolvelocation        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: 0Cookies availble        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: Found client 114636 Visitor-ID =        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: Client already known        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0001s] DEBUG info j4age: JS client & ip handling end: 3.357 seconds, 19.57 MB        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: Perform Visit counting process        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0009s] DEBUG info j4age: Visit-Session still present. Continue this Visit 247549        

Performed SQL enquiries

SELECT v.visit_id FROM eeu_jstats_visits as v WHERE v.client_id = 114636 AND v.ip = 918976282 AND v.changed_at >= 1526905801


[0.0006s] DEBUG info j4age: Visit 247549 registered        

Performed SQL enquiries

UPDATE eeu_jstats_visits SET changed_at= 1526934601 WHERE visit_id = '247549'


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: Perform Page counting process        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0019s] DEBUG info j4age: Page counting process successful        

Performed SQL enquiries

SELECT page_id, page_title FROM eeu_jstats_pages WHERE page = '/articles/entertainment.html?start=5' LIMIT 1

INSERT INTO `eeu_jstats_impressions` (`page_id`, `visit_id`, `timestamp`) VALUES (322,247549,1526934601)


[0.0001s] DEBUG info j4age: Page impression 1 registered        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: Referrer not set.        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: Keyword & Referrer registered = False        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0000s] DEBUG info j4age: Fire Event => aftercounting        

Performed SQL enquiries


[0.0001s] DEBUG info j4age: JS Counting Visitor finished: 3.361 seconds, 19.58 MB        

Performed SQL enquiries

Enter Amount:

Subscribe to The Pirate RSS Feed

Click the image below and get tickets for The End of the Boat as We Know It

Subscribe to The Pirate

You can have new content from The Pirate e-mailed to you as a newsletter as soon as it's available. No need to waste time browsing the Internet!

The Pirate will find you!

If you only want the "main" Pirate, select Global Pirate below.



Receive HTML?

Comment Highlights

Powered by Disqus
Mobile Version | Standard Version
•Banner•
© 2011 Ski Town Productions

•Profile Information•

Application afterLoad: 0.001 seconds, 0.90 MB
Application afterInitialise: 0.104 seconds, 6.92 MB
Application afterRoute: 0.123 seconds, 8.60 MB
Application afterDispatch: 0.297 seconds, 13.45 MB
Application afterRender: 3.771 seconds, 20.23 MB

•Memory Usage•

21333328

•39 queries logged•

  1. SELECT *
      FROM eeu_session
      WHERE session_id = 'k8t32arql24g41bej2k9nhrc41'
  2. DELETE
      FROM eeu_session
      WHERE ( TIME < '1526928601' )
  3. SELECT *
      FROM eeu_session
      WHERE session_id = 'k8t32arql24g41bej2k9nhrc41'
  4. INSERT INTO `eeu_session` ( `session_id`,`time`,`username`,`gid`,`guest`,`client_id` )
      VALUES ( 'k8t32arql24g41bej2k9nhrc41','1526934601','','0','1','0' )
  5. SELECT *
      FROM eeu_components
      WHERE parent = 0
  6. SELECT folder AS TYPE, element AS name, params
      FROM eeu_plugins
      WHERE published >= 1
      AND access <= 0
      ORDER BY ordering
  7. SELECT *
      FROM eeu_migration_backlinks
      WHERE url LIKE 'articles/entertainment.html?start=5%' OR sefurl LIKE 'articles/entertainment.html?start=5%'
  8. SELECT m.*, c.`option` AS component
      FROM eeu_menu AS m
      LEFT JOIN eeu_components AS c
      ON m.componentid = c.id
      WHERE m.published = 1
      ORDER BY m.sublevel, m.parent, m.ordering
  9. SELECT template
      FROM eeu_templates_menu
      WHERE client_id = 0
      AND (menuid = 0 OR menuid = 57)
      ORDER BY menuid DESC
      LIMIT 0, 1
  10. SELECT c.*, s.id AS sectionid, s.title AS sectiontitle, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(c.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", c.id, c.alias) ELSE c.id END AS slug
      FROM eeu_categories AS c
      INNER JOIN eeu_sections AS s
      ON s.id = c.SECTION
      WHERE c.id = 40
      LIMIT 0, 1
  11. SELECT cc.title AS category, a.id, a.title, a.alias, a.title_alias, a.introtext, a.fulltext, a.sectionid, a.state, a.catid, a.created, a.created_by, a.created_by_alias, a.modified, a.modified_by, a.checked_out, a.checked_out_time, a.publish_up, a.publish_down, a.attribs, a.hits, a.images, a.urls, a.ordering, a.metakey, a.metadesc, a.access, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(a.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", a.id, a.alias) ELSE a.id END AS slug, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(cc.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", cc.id, cc.alias) ELSE cc.id END AS catslug, CHAR_LENGTH( a.`fulltext` ) AS readmore, u.name AS author, u.usertype, g.name AS groups, u.email AS author_email
      FROM eeu_content AS a
      LEFT JOIN eeu_categories AS cc
      ON a.catid = cc.id
      LEFT JOIN eeu_users AS u
      ON u.id = a.created_by
      LEFT JOIN eeu_groups AS g
      ON a.access = g.id
      WHERE 1
      AND a.access <= 0
      AND a.catid = 40
      AND a.state = 1
      AND ( publish_up = '0000-00-00 00:00:00' OR publish_up <= '2018-05-21 20:30:01' )
      AND ( publish_down = '0000-00-00 00:00:00' OR publish_down >= '2018-05-21 20:30:01' )
      ORDER BY  a.created DESC,  a.created DESC
      LIMIT 5, 9
  12. SELECT cc.title AS category, a.id, a.title, a.alias, a.title_alias, a.introtext, a.fulltext, a.sectionid, a.state, a.catid, a.created, a.created_by, a.created_by_alias, a.modified, a.modified_by, a.checked_out, a.checked_out_time, a.publish_up, a.publish_down, a.attribs, a.hits, a.images, a.urls, a.ordering, a.metakey, a.metadesc, a.access, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(a.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", a.id, a.alias) ELSE a.id END AS slug, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(cc.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", cc.id, cc.alias) ELSE cc.id END AS catslug, CHAR_LENGTH( a.`fulltext` ) AS readmore, u.name AS author, u.usertype, g.name AS groups, u.email AS author_email
      FROM eeu_content AS a
      LEFT JOIN eeu_categories AS cc
      ON a.catid = cc.id
      LEFT JOIN eeu_users AS u
      ON u.id = a.created_by
      LEFT JOIN eeu_groups AS g
      ON a.access = g.id
      WHERE 1
      AND a.access <= 0
      AND a.catid = 40
      AND a.state = 1
      AND ( publish_up = '0000-00-00 00:00:00' OR publish_up <= '2018-05-21 20:30:01' )
      AND ( publish_down = '0000-00-00 00:00:00' OR publish_down >= '2018-05-21 20:30:01' )
      ORDER BY  a.created DESC,  a.created DESC
  13. SELECT id, title, module, POSITION, content, showtitle, control, params
      FROM eeu_modules AS m
      LEFT JOIN eeu_modules_menu AS mm
      ON mm.moduleid = m.id
      WHERE m.published = 1
      AND m.access <= 0
      AND m.client_id = 0
      AND ( mm.menuid = 57 OR mm.menuid = 0 )
      ORDER BY POSITION, ordering
  14. SELECT *
      FROM eeu_banner
      WHERE showBanner = 1
      AND (imptotal = 0 OR impmade < imptotal)
      AND cid = 2
      AND catid = 58
      ORDER BY sticky DESC, ordering
      LIMIT 0, 1
  15. UPDATE eeu_banner
      SET impmade = impmade + 1
      WHERE bid = 20
  16. SELECT a.*, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(a.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", a.id, a.alias) ELSE a.id END AS slug, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(cc.alias) THEN CONCAT_WS(":", cc.id, cc.alias) ELSE cc.id END AS catslug
      FROM eeu_content AS a
      LEFT JOIN eeu_content_frontpage AS f
      ON f.content_id = a.id
      INNER JOIN eeu_categories AS cc
      ON cc.id = a.catid
      INNER JOIN eeu_sections AS s
      ON s.id = a.sectionid
      WHERE ( a.state = 1
      AND s.id > 0 )
      AND ( a.publish_up = '0000-00-00 00:00:00' OR a.publish_up <= '2018-05-21 20:30:01' )
      AND ( a.publish_down = '0000-00-00 00:00:00' OR a.publish_down >= '2018-05-21 20:30:01' )
      AND a.access <= 0
      AND cc.access <= 0
      AND s.access <= 0
      AND s.published = 1
      AND cc.published = 1
      ORDER BY a.hits DESC
      LIMIT 0, 8
  17. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '15'
  18. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '15'
  19. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '10'
  20. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '10'
  21. SELECT *
      FROM `eeu_jnews_xonfig`
  22. SELECT *
      FROM `eeu_jnews_lists`
      WHERE `published` = 1
  23. SELECT *
      FROM eeu_jstats_configuration
  24. SELECT *
      FROM eeu_jstats_ipaddresses AS a
      WHERE a.ip = '918976282'
  25. SELECT c.*
      FROM eeu_jstats_clients AS c
      LEFT
      OUTER JOIN eeu_jstats_visits AS v
      ON c.client_id = v.client_id
      WHERE v.ip = '918976282'
      AND (c.visitor_id = 0 OR c.visitor_id IS NULL);
  26. SELECT *
      FROM `eeu_jstats_configuration`
      WHERE description LIKE 'ext_%'  
      AND VALUE = '1'
  27. SELECT v.visit_id
                 
      FROM eeu_jstats_visits AS v
                 
      WHERE v.client_id = 114636
      AND v.ip = 918976282
      AND v.changed_at >= 1526905801
  28. UPDATE eeu_jstats_visits
      SET changed_at= 1526934601
      WHERE visit_id = '247549'
  29. SELECT   page_id,   page_title
      FROM   eeu_jstats_pages
      WHERE   page = '/articles/entertainment.html?start=5'
      LIMIT 1
  30. INSERT INTO `eeu_jstats_impressions` (`page_id`, `visit_id`, `timestamp`)
      VALUES (322,247549,1526934601)
  31. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '13'
  32. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '13'
  33. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '11'
  34. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '11'
  35. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '9'
  36. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '9'
  37. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '3'
  38. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '3'
  39. SELECT *
      FROM eeu_banner
      WHERE showBanner = 1
      AND (imptotal = 0 OR impmade < imptotal)
      AND cid = 2
      AND catid = 44
      ORDER BY sticky DESC, ordering
      LIMIT 0, 1

•0 legacy queries logged•

    •Language Files Loaded•

    •Untranslated Strings Diagnostic•

    GLOBAL PIRATE	JHTML::tooltip()	[:]
    STEAMBOAT SPRINGS LOCAL PIRATE	JHTML::tooltip()	[:]
    

    •Untranslated Strings Designer•

    
    # ??Unknown file??
    
    GLOBAL PIRATE=Global Pirate
    STEAMBOAT SPRINGS LOCAL PIRATE=Steamboat Springs Local Pirate