Gaddafi Warrant Tossed, Again, Due to Name-Spelling Error


An international arrest warrant for Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, citing genocide and crimes against humanity among 127 other charges, was declared invalid by the top court in Libya. This marks the 37th such warrant to be dismissed, all citing spelling discrepancies in the name of the charged individual.

A Libyan believed to be the country's dictator ignored the latest arrest warrant, finding it suitable only for his "glorious feces and phlegm."A Libyan believed to be the country's dictator ignored the latest arrest warrant, finding it suitable only for his "glorious feces and phlegm."

The country's top judicial official, listed as Mu'ammar Qaddafi, noted, as he has for each previous warrant, that he didn't know who Muammar Gaddafi is, and there was no such leader of Libya by that name. Previous voided warrants were issued for: Moammar Gadhafi, Muammar Qaddafi, Mu'ammar Al-Qadhafi, Muammar Khaddafi, Muammar Al Gathafi and dozens of additional variations.

"You know," said the aging and insane-looking Judge Qaddafi, "I think I do know a Muammar Gaddafi, but he lives in Benghazi, not Tripoli. Funny old coot. I'm pretty sure he sold kabobs on the corner of 5th and Crazistan. Maybe I'll go arrest him, just to be safe."

Judge Qaddafi then took the latest warrant, wiped his buttocks with it, and then blew his nose vigorously into the paper. When one of his entourage pointed out the judge's strange choice to wipe first and blow second, he was shot in the forehead by Judge Qaddafi, who then ordered the body to be hung from the palace walls of "Our Brother Leader" as an example of what happens to traitors. The judge then put on dark sunglasses and climbed into a solid-gold Maybach Zeppelin that was custom-made for the leader of Libya, with vanity license plates reading "BRTHR LDR."

International courts complained of being hamstrung in their efforts to detain the Libyan dictator by U.S.-forced guidelines forbidding use of the Arabic language in arrest warrants, citing its "scary Muslimness."

"We know exactly how to spell his name in ze Arabic. You can find it on ze Google," noted International Police Captain Jacque Cousteau. "But zose damn Americans insist that we use nothing but 'American.' Zat's not even a language! How can zis be helpful? So we translate, and we fail, and we do it all over again."

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