North Korea's Supreme Leader Cancels Playdate with Neighbor, Won't Answer Tin-Can Phone

Frustrated by repeated outbursts that were considered "showing off" and "disrespectful," the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, canceled his weekly playdate with a neighbor boy, Ri Yong-ho, who lives just south of Kim Jong-un's massive Ryongsong Residence palace complex in Pyongyang.North Korea's Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un, refuses to answer the tin-can phone he once shared with his southern neighbor, Ri Yong-ho, citing his former friend's jealousy of his "god-ness" as the deteriorating factor.North Korea's Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un, refuses to answer the tin-can phone he once shared with his southern neighbor, Ri Yong-ho, citing his former friend's jealousy of his "god-ness" as the deteriorating factor.

The Yong-ho family has provided playdates with leaders of North Korea since 1953, but it has been widely reported that the Supreme Leader, estimated to be 30 years old, now won't play Cowboys and Indians or Kick the Can with 12-year-old Yong-ho anymore. To add further insult to the trashed friendship, Kim Jong-un won't even answer the tin-can phone attached to a string that the young men had used for years to communicate the latest potential game of Connect Four or guess at which of the neighboring girls have "cooties" or not.

"I'm not speaking with him no more," said Jong-un from his throne of platinum and ivory tusks shaped to his likeness. "He was acting all like a big-shot and stuff, telling me how he beat me at jacks, when he knows full well the Supreme Leaders never lose at anything, especially Jacks, which I'm awesome at. He's lucky I don't have him killed or mutilated or make him lie naked on a pile of fire ants, which is what I did to that other neighbor loser who asked me if I took a bath any time in the last decade. I'm done with that punk."

To complete the severing of ties to the former playdate, Kim Jong-un is hosting an official "later, loser" ceremony, complete with a public melting of the matching "bff" necklaces the Supreme Leader had made for the two just last year. It's also expected that the string connecting their two tin-can phones will be cut by a golden, gem-encrusted pair of giant scissors made just for the event, just in case there was any doubt that "the Supreme Leader was really cheesed off."

Should these formalities not convey the proper message of "ticked-offedness," Kim Jong-un has promised to attach Ri Yong-ho to a long-range missile and fire him over to South Korea, which also has "really bummed out" North Korea's dictator and is no longer on speaking terms with the leader, or at least as far as the missile goes before blowing up.

"Screw them both," added Jong-un. "I don't need either of them. I got me my monies and my hoes and my fat crib. They're both just jealous little bi-atches. I'm gonna call my boy Rodman. He's way cooler, and I've got his can digits now."


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