Steamboat Springs

City Council Passes Proposal to Add Mild Poison to Plastic Grocery Bags

Written by Chuck Upp Wednesday, 14 September 2011

At last night's meeting, Steamboat Springs City Council listened to a presentation from Lace R. Synic, a spokesperson for Yampa Valley Really Better Recycle or Else, who detailed the organization's latest proposal to curb the use of disposable plastic bags.A new proposal from Yampa Valley Really Better Recycle or Else was passed by City Council last night, forcing grocery stores to add mild poisons to their plastic bags to discourage their use.

"Although other Colorado mountain communities are doing some great things with plastic bag fees and bans, including the destitute, struggling towns of Aspen and Telluride, we felt that wasn't doing enough to control the insidious use of plastic bags, which are inefficient to create, cause environmental catastrophes such as flooding and tsunamis, and are known to give small children a really nasty case of hives," said Synic. "The next logical step is to coat the plastic bags with poison--a mild poison, I must add--nothing remotely fatal. Just something that will cause a debilitating case of diarrhea or a few hours of vomiting. A few instances of that, and we believe most people will remember to bring their reusable bags to the store."

Both of the council's resident skis, President Scari Helmetheadski and Kart Beforehorsesky, questioned the merit of the proposal, wondering if perhaps intentionally...

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Barney Family Love Festival Comes to Town, Locals Pissed at Inconveniences

Written by Dena Sower Monday, 29 August 2011

The inaugural Barney Family Love Festival arrived in Steamboat Springs this weekend, bringing with it a unique following of children, parents, love for all mankind and simpleton purple dinosaurs. It was estimated that at least five thousand people showed up for the event, culminating in the "I Love You Dash" along downtown Lincoln Avenue.The inaugural Barney Family Love Festival culminated in the "I Love You Dash," a family friendly and joyful race down Lincoln Avenue, which was won by Italian sprinter Elia Viviani.

Organizers were particularly pleased with the general positive outpouring of the Steamboat community, which showed up in force for the family oriented fiesta that encourages parents to spend more time with their children; engage in healthy lifestyle choices such as proper diet and exercise; and work on loving everyone equally, regardless of their race, economics or political backgrounds.

"It really comes down to the Barney theme song," said Chee Z. Smiles, chief organizer of the event. "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me, too?"

"I think this whole festival can go f--- itself," noted longtime Steamboat local Harden Heart. "Have you tried parking anywhere? I've been driving around in circles for like 10 minutes, just waiting for one...

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