Written by Connie Taminated Tuesday, 04 September 2012
Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney stuck to his stump speech when his "Believe in America" bus tour made a second stop in Craig yesterday.
"Since I have been here last, I still have not developed any constructive policies for America," said Romney. "However, my promise, for the second time, to the people of Craig America, is that I will repeal Obamacare on day one."
Despite the Supreme Court ruling led by Justice John Roberts, Romney went on to say, "Obamacare is just bad law. You can never trust the opinion of someone who went to Harvard."
Although this brought a rousing cheer from his supporters, it was nothing like the response his next announcement garnered. After some folksy patter with the crowd to establish credibility as just another blue-collar denizen of the rural Western Slope, Romney moved past the "local flattery" portion of his visit and added an addendum not previously heard on the tour.
"Although I am on board with the GOP effort to stamp out Socialism, especially when it comes in Obama's African-"American" package, I pledge to provide...Add a comment
Written by Ally Grownsup Monday, 13 August 2012
After living in its mother's basement in Steamboat Springs for more than a decade, Pirate Theatre is finally "leaving the nest" and taking its show on the road. The troupe's latest multimedia musical comedy, "Powder Haze: A Day in the Life at a Ski Town," will be performing at the Boulder International Fringe Festival from Aug. 23-25, 2012, in the legendary People's Republic of Boulder, Colo.
However, the group needed to take some baby steps before leaving its beloved home, so it scheduled a one-time performance in Steamboat Springs on Saturday, August 18, at 8 p.m. But in order to get their coddled and insecure prima donna performers out of their comfort zones, the show will be held, for the first time ever, at the outdoor stage in Gondola Square (buy tix here or at All That Jazz in Steamboat).
"It's about damn time those kids got out of my basement and tried to do something with their lives," said Gaia Pirate, the mother whose basement was a comfortable haven to Pirate Theatre for so many years. "Most of them are grown men and women, yet the idea of doing something outside of Steamboat had them pissing in their knickers."
Brian Harvey, head of Pirate Theatre and lead knicker pisser...Add a comment
Written by Stoned Goddard Monday, 30 July 2012
U.S. Forest Service biologists, who have been working diligently to produce a genetically modified tree resistant to pine beetles, appear to have made an astonishing discovery that could lead to complete reforestation by 2025.
The scientists were able to graft Kandy Kush buds, known for their pest resistance and pleasant high without any paranoia, to young lodgepole pine saplings, creating a new tree that's both resistant to pine beetles and "eminently smokeable."
"This is a huge breakthrough," said Forester Jan Twitchy. "As you've seen from our decimated forests, normal lodgepoles were defenseless against the pine beetle. But this "superstrain" of Kandy Kush lodgepoles appears to leave any beetle that attacks it in a lifeless state of catatonia, unable to do anything of consequence. And we were further delighted when one of our interns tried smoking its needles and got really baked."
So in addition to repopulating dying national forests, the U.S. Forest Service is hoping the Kandy Kush lodgepoles will revive the nation's tree-harvesting economy.
"Just think...Add a comment
- By Standard 5-4 Margin, Supreme Court Decides to Order Bar-B-Q, Watch American Dad!
- Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Leaving Cleveland, 'Taking Its Talented Musicians to South Beach'
- Obama Unveils New Campaign Slogan: That-O-Way
- The Pirate Passes One-Year Milestone, Big-Ass Kidney Stone
- Romney Promises to No Longer Remove Hair/Dignity of those Not as Awesome as Himself
- American Girl Now Selling Real Girls to Match their Dolls
- Following Basketball Playbook, Kentucky to become Two-Year College
- Hasbeen Announces New Line of Republican Candidate Toys
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