Boy Scouts' Gay Ban Overturned, Makeover Consultant to Unveil New Branding with Better Fashion Sense

Written by GUEST CONTRIBUTORS Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick Saturday, 01 June 2013

GRAPEVINE, Texas -- The Boy Scouts of America (BSA) voted recently to end its controversial policy banning gay boys and teens from membership. The policy change will go into effect Jan. 1, 2014, "allowing the Boy Scouts of America the transition time needed to communicate and implement this policy to its approximately 116,000 Scouting units," the BSA said in a statement.Until the new Armani-based Boy Scout uniform is unveiled in Paris later in 2013, gay scouts can choose to wear the new "Fabulous" Merit badge (left) or adopt a complete transgender look (right). Click on image to enlarge.Until the new Armani-based Boy Scout uniform is unveiled in Paris later in 2013, gay scouts can choose to wear the new "Fabulous" Merit badge (left) or adopt a complete transgender look (right). Click on image to enlarge.

"It blew me away to realize we were so behind the times," said BSA Membership Chairman Craven Morehead. "The bottom line is we've got to stop going down the same old dirt road. If we look beyond our own backyard, maybe we can change our luck and attract new members." To that end, BSA hired corporate makeover consultant Richard Lavender to rebrand the Boy Scouts for the 21st Century.

Lavender addressed a crowd outside a Dairy Queen in Grapevine. "We are going to flip the scouting world back to front, switching everything around. We have already laid the groundwork for our new merit badges: fashion design, wedding planning, interior decorating and basket weaving. These sweeping changes will have a...

Read more: Boy Scouts' Gay Ban Overturned, Makeover Consultant to Unveil New Branding with Better Fashion Sense

 

Sheriff Declares Amendment 64 to State Constitution 'Unconstitutional and Unenforceable,' Refuses to Do Nothing about Marijuana Use

Written by Kandy Kush Monday, 27 May 2013

Routt County Sheriff Starett Bigguns recently joined a larger group of Colorado Sheriffs who decided that Amendment 64, which legalized marijuana in small amounts, is "unenforceable" as the law is now written, so they play on ignoring the new legislation completely.During an interview at Chief Theater, Routt County Sheriff Starett Bigguns (mustachio) refused to not arrest admitted pot-smoker Petal Blossom for marijuana possession, ignoring Amendment 64 due to its "unconstitutionality, federal illegalness and general hippy-dippy nature."During an interview at Chief Theater, Routt County Sheriff Starett Bigguns (mustachio) refused to not arrest admitted pot-smoker Petal Blossom for marijuana possession, ignoring Amendment 64 due to its "unconstitutionality, federal illegalness and general hippy-dippy nature."

"My crack legal mind has decipherized that Amendment 64, due to marijuana's federal illegalness and the general hippy nature of it, is 100 percent ... unenforceable," said Bigguns. "I don't need any law degree or judgeship or any form of legal standing whatsoever to tell me that. I can see with my own two eyes that Amendment 64 is just hippy-dippy nonsense, so our Sheriff Department will be ignoring it--like it never existed."

Sheriff Bigguns instructed his staff to stop enforcing Amendment 64, which required them to do nothing about marijuana possession and use. Although normally quite fine with doing nothing while on duty, Sheriff Bigguns couldn't stomach the idea of not arresting people for pulling bong tubes in the comfort of their homes.

"I can only do nothing on the job when it doesn't...

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Read more: Sheriff Declares Amendment 64 to State Constitution 'Unconstitutional and Unenforceable,' Refuses to Do Nothing about Marijuana Use

Republicans Unveil New Benghazi Attack Line: Call It Ben-Gay-Zee

Written by Dawn Chagetit Sunday, 19 May 2013

After pounding away at President Barack Obama and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for months about the "scandal" concerning the Benghazi terrorist attack and finding little traction among the media, short-attention-span voters or anyone else for that matter, Republicans believe they have a new attack line that should score them points with their anti-tolerance, homophobic base that has no idea where Benghazi even is.Adding a hilarious new prop to their continued attacks against Democrats, Republicans began passing out specially created tubes of pain-relief cream they cleverly named Ben-gay-zee. Get it? Ben-GAY-zee ... Ha!Adding a hilarious new prop to their continued attacks against Democrats, Republicans began passing out specially created tubes of pain-relief cream they cleverly named Ben-gay-zee. Get it? Ben-GAY-zee ... Ha!

"It's a simple, yet awesome, way to make Democrats say things like 'shut up' while Republicans giggle and take the upper hand in the argument," noted Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner. "We simply make a possibly intentional, possibly not, mispronunciation of the word 'Benghazi.' We call it Ben-gay-zee. Get it? Because it's so gay! And we all know that calling something or someone gay is super funny, especially if it's close to the real name. I mean, who doesn't snicker every time someone asks for that muscle cream, Bengay? Hah, did you hear that? Bengay! Ben-gay-zee! Awesome!"

The strategy worked to perfection the first time it was tried out on an unsuspecting Obama. Fox News reporter Major Hackett asked...

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Read more: Republicans Unveil New Benghazi Attack Line: Call It Ben-Gay-Zee

 

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Let's face it: Where you live is pretty ridiculous. Your local politicians are buffoons. Your local celebrities take themselves way too seriously. The general population, including yourself, is either completely crazy or almost there.

This is equally true whether you live in Hollywood, Miami or Sheboygan. It's just a matter of scale. But what can you do about it?

Satire. If you can't beat 'em, make fun of 'em, and you just might beat 'em that way ...

In its many forms, satire has proven to be a great equalizer. Jon Stewart is one of the most influential people in America. If not for Tina Fey, Sarah Palin might be Vice President of the United States. When people realize that something is ridiculous, it loses its power.

This is where The Pirate comes in. There are many great outlets that satirize the "big issues" (and we do that, too). But we've also perfected the art of Local Satire. As you can see from our successful model in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, no town is too small to be skewered.

You don't know those people or what their issues are, but the people in Steamboat do, and they think it's hilarious. And you can do the same in your area, whether a city, town, school, company or whatever. That's Local Satire, and you'll be surprised at how effective it can be.

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