Boy Scouts' Gay Ban Overturned, Makeover Consultant to Unveil New Branding with Better Fashion Sense
Written by GUEST CONTRIBUTORS Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick Saturday, 01 June 2013
GRAPEVINE, Texas -- The Boy Scouts of America (BSA) voted recently to end its controversial policy banning gay boys and teens from membership. The policy change will go into effect Jan. 1, 2014, "allowing the Boy Scouts of America the transition time needed to communicate and implement this policy to its approximately 116,000 Scouting units," the BSA said in a statement.
"It blew me away to realize we were so behind the times," said BSA Membership Chairman Craven Morehead. "The bottom line is we've got to stop going down the same old dirt road. If we look beyond our own backyard, maybe we can change our luck and attract new members." To that end, BSA hired corporate makeover consultant Richard Lavender to rebrand the Boy Scouts for the 21st Century.
Lavender addressed a crowd outside a Dairy Queen in Grapevine. "We are going to flip the scouting world back to front, switching everything around. We have already laid the groundwork for our new merit badges: fashion design, wedding planning, interior decorating and basket weaving. These sweeping changes will have a...
Sheriff Declares Amendment 64 to State Constitution 'Unconstitutional and Unenforceable,' Refuses to Do Nothing about Marijuana Use
Written by Kandy Kush Monday, 27 May 2013
Routt County Sheriff Starett Bigguns recently joined a larger group of Colorado Sheriffs who decided that Amendment 64, which legalized marijuana in small amounts, is "unenforceable" as the law is now written, so they play on ignoring the new legislation completely.
"My crack legal mind has decipherized that Amendment 64, due to marijuana's federal illegalness and the general hippy nature of it, is 100 percent ... unenforceable," said Bigguns. "I don't need any law degree or judgeship or any form of legal standing whatsoever to tell me that. I can see with my own two eyes that Amendment 64 is just hippy-dippy nonsense, so our Sheriff Department will be ignoring it--like it never existed."
Sheriff Bigguns instructed his staff to stop enforcing Amendment 64, which required them to do nothing about marijuana possession and use. Although normally quite fine with doing nothing while on duty, Sheriff Bigguns couldn't stomach the idea of not arresting people for pulling bong tubes in the comfort of their homes.
"I can only do nothing on the job when it doesn't...Add a comment
Written by Dawn Chagetit Sunday, 19 May 2013
After pounding away at President Barack Obama and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for months about the "scandal" concerning the Benghazi terrorist attack and finding little traction among the media, short-attention-span voters or anyone else for that matter, Republicans believe they have a new attack line that should score them points with their anti-tolerance, homophobic base that has no idea where Benghazi even is.
"It's a simple, yet awesome, way to make Democrats say things like 'shut up' while Republicans giggle and take the upper hand in the argument," noted Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner. "We simply make a possibly intentional, possibly not, mispronunciation of the word 'Benghazi.' We call it Ben-gay-zee. Get it? Because it's so gay! And we all know that calling something or someone gay is super funny, especially if it's close to the real name. I mean, who doesn't snicker every time someone asks for that muscle cream, Bengay? Hah, did you hear that? Bengay! Ben-gay-zee! Awesome!"
The strategy worked to perfection the first time it was tried out on an unsuspecting Obama. Fox News reporter Major Hackett asked...Add a comment
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