Written by Juan Anothercerveza Tuesday, 07 May 2013
After witnessing yet another Cinco de Mayo celebration with endless amounts of 100-percent Caucasian young people get "shit-canned" drunk during this Mexican holiday of independence, the respective leaders of Mexico and Ireland announced a bilateral treaty declaring that any white person partaking in the annual festivities must, at a minimum, wear an enormous sombrero or a "Kiss Me I'm Mexican" t-shirt.
"It's just not respectful or fair to the good people of Mexico that drunken fratboys and skanky lushes use our beloved Day of Independence as an excuse to get hammered off their ass," said Enrique Peña Nieto, the current President of Mexico. "We have enough shit to deal with down here, and taking the blame for the drunken antics of white 20-somethings just isn't something we need any more. We realize we can't stop these kids from plowing through Coronas and tequila shots, but we can at least have some standards and requirements that make these gringos reflect, between vomiting sessions, on what it might be like to be Mexican and why this is an important holiday."
The unusual partnership with Ireland came about because the "Emerald...Add a comment
Written by The Pirate Wednesday, 01 May 2013
Jordan Guarantees He'll Finish with More Rings than LeBron: 'I'll Get Married as Many Times as I Have To'
Written by Phil Crackson Monday, 15 April 2013
Legendary basketball player and failed basketball executive and owner Michael Jordan, upon hearing of LeBron James' recent engagement to long-time girlfriend Savannah Brinson, insinuated that James was merely trying to upstage him after he had announced his own engagement to Cuban model Yvette Prieto.
"I see what he's up to," noted Jordan between $50,000 hands of blackjack at the Wynn Casino in Las Vegas. "He finally gets an NBA championship, and he's coming after me. He sees that I'm getting married, upping my ring total to eight, and he's trying to get his up to two to stay competitive. But it ain't happening. I'll get married as many times as it takes. He'll never have more rings than me, no matter what he does."
Asked to clarify his ring total, as Jordan currently owns six NBA championship rings and isn't likely to earn another in this lifetime, Jordan noted that wedding rings count, as they're at least as expensive as winning an NBA title or purchasing an entire NBA team.
"It's not the ring that's expensive, of course," admitted Jordan. "But the wife upkeep and divorce settlement...Add a comment
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