Steamboat Now Offering 'First Tracks Traffic Medallions'

•Written by Shirley Yurjoeking• ••Wednesday•, 19 •November• 2014•

Due to the overwhelming popularity of lane closures on Highway 40 during the fall, and borrowing from the ski resort's popular First Tracks program, commuters with a lot of disposable income now can purchase a "First Tracks Traffic Medallion," enabling them to drive through construction zones without slowing down as well as drive in the left lane during rush hours. The city will be offering a limited number of medallions in a one-year trial.

Steamboat expects to make a lot of money from those who can afford the new First Tracks Traffic Medallions, which allow drivers to plow through construction zones and use a "First Tracks Only" lane (previously known as the "left lane") to bypass slower and poorer drivers now restricted to the right lane.Steamboat expects to make a lot of money from those who can afford the new First Tracks Traffic Medallions, which allow drivers to plow through construction zones and use a "First Tracks Only" lane (previously known as the "left lane") to bypass slower and poorer drivers now restricted to the right lane.

"Driving in the left lane, and the ability to turn left when the road is at its busiest, are now going to be a feature in Steamboat, instead of...

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Utah Launches Countersuit as Steamboat Steals, Barely Modifies Patented Slogan

•Written by Alice Fairenwar• ••Friday•, 14 •November• 2014•

The Utah Office of Tourism announced that it is suing Steamboat Ski and Resort Corp. for its new marketing campaign claiming "The Greatest Snow on Planet Earth®", declaring it confusingly similar to the state of Utah's slogan: "The Greatest Snow on Earth®".

Steamboat Spokesperson Billy Child helped unveil a new resort slogan as well as Steamboat's overall marketing strategy: "Suck it, Utah!"Steamboat Spokesperson Billy Child helped unveil a new resort slogan as well as Steamboat's overall marketing strategy: "Suck it, Utah!"

Utah has been marketing "The Greatest Snow on Earth®" slogan, a registered trademark, since 1962. And the phrase has been stamped on Utah license plates since 1985.  Regardless of such "minor trademark details," Ski Corp. Senior Vice President of Sales and Marketing Bob Oysterman said that any confusion is absurd: "Everyone knows that Planet Earth is completely different from Earth." 

Steamboat Ski Resort released the following statement: "'The Greatest Snow on Planet Earth®' campaign seeks to differentiate between the two Greatest Snow places in our solar system and promote the fact that there is a distinct...

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It's Official: Bears Must Have a Seat on City Council

•Written by Justin Truder• ••Thursday•, 13 •November• 2014•

The number of bears whose official residences are within Steamboat Springs city limits has grown exponentially in recent years, according to a scientific study of reported bear sightings conducted by someone with a lot of time on his hands and a bag of Cheetos. As a result, the bears are now legally entitled to a seat on City Council, effective immediately. A special election will be held as soon as the bears nominate a slate of candidates.

According to this extremely scientific bar graph, the number of bear sightings are really "piling up."According to this extremely scientific bar graph, the number of bear sightings are really "piling up."

According to a recent survey of 100 bear residents, the bear who broke into a house and sat in the kitchen eating pistachios and wouldn't leave is a leading contender (see "Police Fodder," Monday, July 28, 2014, 10:57 p.m.). One of the bears surveyed, who wished to remain anonymous, said, "I would vote for Pistachio Bear. We need more houses with large bowls of nuts and seeds left on the counters." 

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Local Satire???

Let's face it: Where you live is pretty ridiculous. Your local politicians are buffoons. Your local celebrities take themselves way too seriously. The general population, including yourself, is either completely crazy or almost there.

This is equally true whether you live in Hollywood, Miami or Sheboygan. It's just a matter of scale. But what can you do about it?

Satire. If you can't beat 'em, make fun of 'em, and you just might beat 'em that way ...

In its many forms, satire has proven to be a great equalizer. Jon Stewart is one of the most influential people in America. If not for Tina Fey, Sarah Palin might be Vice President of the United States. When people realize that something is ridiculous, it loses its power.

This is where The Pirate comes in. There are many great outlets that satirize the "big issues" (and we do that, too). But we've also perfected the art of Local Satire. As you can see from our successful model in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, no town is too small to be skewered.

You don't know those people or what their issues are, but the people in Steamboat do, and they think it's hilarious. And you can do the same in your area, whether a city, town, school, company or whatever. That's Local Satire, and you'll be surprised at how effective it can be.

Then you can sell your own local advertising and make a little money on the side.

So if you want to start your own Local Pirate Web page and newsletter, click HERE and start your voyage.

It's FREE, and templates are set up so all you have to do is write funny articles (but if you need help creating witty graphics, we can do that, too, for a small fee).

Each of your Local subscribers will also receive a FREE Global Pirate newsletter along with your own. We take care of the newsletters, too, and you can send it as often (or not) as you'd like.

And if you'd just like to contribute an article or two for our "global" page, just send in what you think is funny. If we like it, we'll publish it under your name and location. Unlike other satire publications, we want to hear from you.

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Click the image below and get tickets for The End of the Boat as We Know It

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You can have new content from The Pirate e-mailed to you as a newsletter as soon as it's available. No need to waste time browsing the Internet!

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If you only want the "main" Pirate, select Global Pirate below.



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  38. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '9'
  39. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '9'
  40. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '3'
  41. SELECT width,height
      FROM eeu_flashrotators
      WHERE id = '3'
  42. SELECT *
      FROM eeu_banner
      WHERE showBanner = 1
      AND (imptotal = 0 OR impmade < imptotal)
      AND cid = 2
      AND catid = 44
      ORDER BY sticky DESC, ordering
      LIMIT 0, 1

•0 legacy queries logged•

    •Language Files Loaded•

    •Untranslated Strings Diagnostic•

    GLOBAL PIRATE	JHTML::tooltip()	[:]
    STEAMBOAT SPRINGS LOCAL PIRATE	JHTML::tooltip()	[:]
    

    •Untranslated Strings Designer•

    
    # ??Unknown file??
    
    GLOBAL PIRATE=Global Pirate
    STEAMBOAT SPRINGS LOCAL PIRATE=Steamboat Springs Local Pirate