It's Official: Bears Must Have a Seat on City Council

Written by Justin Truder Thursday, 13 November 2014

The number of bears whose official residences are within Steamboat Springs city limits has grown exponentially in recent years, according to a scientific study of reported bear sightings conducted by someone with a lot of time on his hands and a bag of Cheetos. As a result, the bears are now legally entitled to a seat on City Council, effective immediately. A special election will be held as soon as the bears nominate a slate of candidates.

According to this extremely scientific bar graph, the number of bear sightings are really "piling up."According to this extremely scientific bar graph, the number of bear sightings are really "piling up."

According to a recent survey of 100 bear residents, the bear who broke into a house and sat in the kitchen eating pistachios and wouldn't leave is a leading contender (see "Police Fodder," Monday, July 28, 2014, 10:57 p.m.). One of the bears surveyed, who wished to remain anonymous, said, "I would vote for Pistachio Bear. We need more houses with large bowls of nuts and seeds left on the counters." 

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Term 'Mud Season' Officially Replaced with 'F@#%ng Construction Season'

Written by Park Inglott Saturday, 08 November 2014

With a unanimous vote and support from the entire audience, Steamboat Springs City Council officially renamed the offseason months previously known as "Mud Season" as "F@#%ng Construction Season," effective immediately.

Steamboat Springs universally approved the replacement of the term "Mud Season" with a more-accurate description of the offseason months.Steamboat Springs universally approved the replacement of the term "Mud Season" with a more-accurate description of the offseason months.

"Unless you're a hardcore mountain biker, no one in this town has seen any real mud in years, so that term no longer made any sense," said Councilmember Snott Fjord. "But we've all been late for important meetings, become pissed off to no end, and flipped off neighbors in frustration during the months between summer and winter: F@#%ng Construction Season."

According to one anonymous single-mom in the audience, "I understand that we can't do big construction projects during the tourist seasons of summer and...

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Pirate Theatre Facing the End of the Boat as We Know It

Written by Harry Sonford Tuesday, 21 October 2014

While the gang at Pirate Theatre has been liable for various calamities--hyper-extended funny bones, involuntary bladder release and various laughter infections to name a few--now they face their greatest threat ever: the complete destruction of Steamboat Springs.

Can Colorado Jones and his band of misfit adventurers save Steamboat? Will anyone tell him he looks ridiculous in that hat? Will VIP wait service turn the show's front rows into a well-heeled frat party? You'll have to get tickets to find out ...Can Colorado Jones and his band of misfit adventurers save Steamboat? Will anyone tell him he looks ridiculous in that hat? Will VIP wait service turn the show's front rows into a well-heeled frat party? You'll have to get tickets to find out ...

After unearthing an ancient doomsday prophecy from the local Milnerans, the last and certainly craziest descendants of the long-lost Mayans, Steamboat's only hope for survival rests in the hands of Colorado Jones, an adventurer and archaeologist who wanted to travel the world...

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Local Satire???

Let's face it: Where you live is pretty ridiculous. Your local politicians are buffoons. Your local celebrities take themselves way too seriously. The general population, including yourself, is either completely crazy or almost there.

This is equally true whether you live in Hollywood, Miami or Sheboygan. It's just a matter of scale. But what can you do about it?

Satire. If you can't beat 'em, make fun of 'em, and you just might beat 'em that way ...

In its many forms, satire has proven to be a great equalizer. Jon Stewart is one of the most influential people in America. If not for Tina Fey, Sarah Palin might be Vice President of the United States. When people realize that something is ridiculous, it loses its power.

This is where The Pirate comes in. There are many great outlets that satirize the "big issues" (and we do that, too). But we've also perfected the art of Local Satire. As you can see from our successful model in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, no town is too small to be skewered.

You don't know those people or what their issues are, but the people in Steamboat do, and they think it's hilarious. And you can do the same in your area, whether a city, town, school, company or whatever. That's Local Satire, and you'll be surprised at how effective it can be.

Then you can sell your own local advertising and make a little money on the side.

So if you want to start your own Local Pirate Web page and newsletter, click HERE and start your voyage.

It's FREE, and templates are set up so all you have to do is write funny articles (but if you need help creating witty graphics, we can do that, too, for a small fee).

Each of your Local subscribers will also receive a FREE Global Pirate newsletter along with your own. We take care of the newsletters, too, and you can send it as often (or not) as you'd like.

And if you'd just like to contribute an article or two for our "global" page, just send in what you think is funny. If we like it, we'll publish it under your name and location. Unlike other satire publications, we want to hear from you.

So, are you a Pirate?

Enter Amount:

Subscribe to The Pirate RSS Feed

Click the image below and get tickets for The End of the Boat as We Know It

Subscribe to The Pirate

You can have new content from The Pirate e-mailed to you as a newsletter as soon as it's available. No need to waste time browsing the Internet!

The Pirate will find you!

If you only want the "main" Pirate, select Global Pirate below.



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