Last Remaining Herd of Wild Snowmobiles Spotted near Hahn's Peak

Written by Howdy Westwaswon Monday, 01 April 2013

In a sight that was breathtaking to see in its beauty and yet sad in its nostalgia for a "simpler" time, the last-known herd of free-range snowmobiles was briefly spotted in February charging across Steamboat Lake. It's believed the elusive wild pack was heading from Sand Mountain to Hahn's Peak to frolic in the fresh tracks there and hunt for dwindling sources of wild fossil fuels.An incredibly rare photograph was taken near Steamboat Lake of the world's last remaining herd of wild snowmobiles.

"It brought a tear to my eye, I can tell you that," said Josey Gales, an 85-year-old North Routt local and regular patron at Hahn's Peak Cathouse, a domesticated snowmobile outfitter and brothel in the area. "I've heard rumors of this 'lost herd,' but I never thought I'd actually see them. When they were gunning it, easily past 60 miles an hour, and so free and unencumbered of men, it reminded me of how the west used to be, when wild snowmobiles roamed all over these parts."

Gales lamented the lost 'wildness' no longer found in the modern era.

"Why does there have to be so much 'progress'?" added Gales, his eyes misting. "Now there's roads everywhere, and schools and healthcare facilities and such. I remember, in the good old days, there'd be nothing out here except the cold snows and a trusty 370-cc Polaris Colt 150 between your legs. And gas was free, just like our souls.

"Now there's all them tourist homos on their 500-pound behemoths with mirrors and hand warmers. Groomed trails and warming huts. It's sad," added Gales. "Where was I going with this?"

Progressive Church? New Pope Admits Da Vinci Code 'Pretty Good,' Prefers Book

Written by Opus Deidreamer Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Newly elected Pope Francis signaled a possible opening of Catholic doctrine by admitting he has seen "The Da Vinci Code," starring Tom Hanks, and thought it was "pretty good." He quickly countered that the book, written by Dan Brown, "was a little more complex."Pope Francis revealed a potentially controversial stance on The Da Vinci Code, diverging from previous Catholic leaders who felt it was "the Devil's work." "It's just a f*cking movie, people," he noted.

"Don't get me wrong," added Pope Francis. "I will maintain the longstanding official church stance that Jesus was never married to Mary Magdalene nor had any children with her, but I don't think we need to demonize creators of art for having unusual theories. I don't think we should wage war against what some might consider blasphemy. One of the other teams out there does a lot of that, and I don't think it's good for PR."

Pope Francis went on to say that the acting in "The Da Vinci Code" was "first rate," and the plot arc was "riveting at times."

"And although I felt the treatment of albino monks was somewhat derogatory, they're a much smaller demographic than those who watch movies, so I don't want to make a big fuss about it," he added. "The albino monks know I support them, whether they self-flagellate or not. Rock on my pigment-challenged brothers."