LGBT Numbers Increasing, Study Cites Pandora as Leading Cause
Written by K.D. Bang Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Recent research indicates that those declaring themselves part
of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) community are
increasing in numbers, up 23 percent from the same time a year ago.
The same study also indicated that 83 percent of those who say they
recently "came out of the closet" did so after listening to a lot
of Pandora.
"I clearly like gay music, so I must be gay," said Guy Sandwich (right), one of thousands of music lovers worldwide who have recently been introduced to their own gayness through Pandora, the online music service that knows your tastes better than you do. "I just hope I'll learn to like anal intercourse as much as the music."
The popular online music site, which features a sophisticated computer model that matches a listener's "likes" and "preferences" to help find new music that he or she should also like, easily outdistanced "I could just feel it" and "I'm subconsciously trying to piss off my parents" as the leading explanation for why most people joined the LGBT community.
"I was listening to Pandora again, like I usually do," notes Guy Sandwich, just one of the many thousands of listeners who recently realized he was gay. "I've been using it for a long time, and it knows my tastes really well. So I started to become suspicious of my sexual orientation after a Sufjan Stevens song was...
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Cruise Liners Long for Glory Days as Lame, Non-Experience for Old People
Written by Carnie Val Monday, 13 February 2012
Rocked by the negative press of a cruise ship that wrecked off
the coast of Italy and other recent "unpleasantries," the Cruise
Line Association of the Pacific (The CLAP) launched a massive PR
campaign to persuade potential passengers that sailing on a cruise
ship is neither dangerous nor life-altering in any way.
Hoping to stem a dropoff in passenger numbers due to recent cruise ship "mishaps" (left), the industry is fighting back with a PR campaign focused on reminding potential passengers that a cruise ship vacation is just as safe and bland as they expect it to be (right).
"Sailing on a beautiful, over-engineered cruise ship is just as safe and bland as a walk through a shopping mall," noted Carrie Beann, spokesperson for The CLAP. "You have a much higher chance of being killed driving to your local, corporate coffee shop. You also would have a better chance of seeing something authentic about the area you are visiting. As long as the captain isn't a drunken weasel of a man, cruise vacations are still the best way to gorge yourself on prime rib and tiramisu buffets in...
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Alabama Senator Rips Obama for Focusing on State of the 'Union,' Ignoring 'Confederacy'
Written by Redd Neck Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Alabama Senator Dick "Shelby" Charger (R) panned President
Barack Obama's "State of the Union" address, saying the president
was just another "Northern Elite" who never considers the "State of
the Confederacy," which he believes still exists in
2012.
A Senator from Alabama conjures this image of President Barack Obama delivering a "State of the Union" address that ignores the "State of the Confederacy."
"Just look at the title of his little speech," noted Charger. "The Union is a divisive term for those of us in the Mighty South. He might as well have called it the 'State of the Northern Aggression.' Those of us in the Confederacy don't recognize this Kenyan socialist and his anti-white stances."
Although the phrase State of the Union was written into Article II of the U.S. Constitution when adopted in 1787, Charger notes that it wasn't called that until Franklin D. Roosevelt used it in 1937.
"Roosevelt was a Democrat, and most likely a Communist," added Charger. "He used the word Union to alienate and degrade fine, white southern gentlemen like myself. And Barack Hussein Obama is carrying on that tradition."
Charger proposed a counter-speech to be prepared each year by a loyalist to the Confederate States of America, which most people outside of the south believe were defeated in the Civil War in 1865. The...
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